Boom! Ten Months!

Well, Beijing and I made it past the tenth month mark yesterday!

I did a lot of reflecting about my ten months here today. I had a lot of time on my hands today waiting at the bank! I thought about how my life has changed so much in ten months. I kept on thinking about how scared and frightened I was those first few weeks in the hotel room and then getting to know my new studio. I really wasn't very confidant that I would be staying here for the length of my contract.

Today, I thought about how natural it all feels now living in Beijing. Sure, I still get lost, and my Mandarin is disgraceful, but I feel good here. It's taken a long time. Don't get me wrong. I've been happy here most of the time, with some bouts of homesickness, of course, and times when work has been more stressful than other times. I've enjoyed and appreciated and have valued my time here very much, but now it feels natural. Beiyuan feels like my neighborhood. I've developed a lovely rapport with most of my students and classes. I have a community of teachers and friends that I rely on and a few from that circle have become such trusted confidants and beloved friends that I hope I will have for the rest of my life.

I am feeling really happy. I've done lots of soul searching, and I have a lot to still do, but I'm feeling the most confidant in my own skin for the first time in a long time. Miles asked me a few weeks ago, "Who is the boy? Who is the boy?" thinking I hadn't told him about a new romance in my life. There is, sadly, no boy, but it's nice to know the outside world sees me as being happier, too.

I remember telling my Mom many times that Asia had never been on my radar. I never even thought about really wanting to travel here, until I became a little fascinated with India after reading a book about a man in India before I started graduate school. I hadn't really thought about China that much at all, which is a really sad thing to admit to many of my Chinese friends, but it is the truth. It was just never on my radar. I remember telling my Mom so many times how I never imagined being in China after I accepted the position in the fall of 2009. My Mom just smiled and nodded and said "That's okay, " and continued to listen to all my doubts and fears, as did so many other people in my life. I owe a lot of gratitude to all the people who helped encourage me to get on that plane.

It's funny how something I never imagined materialized into such a gift.

I have about two and a half months left, and I still have a lot to do and a lot to see. I want to try to live them as much in the present as possible and appreciate the community and the city that will always live in my heart.

Part of me wishes I could tell that girl in the hotel ten months ago that it was going to be okay, and maybe she would have chilled out a bit sooner and let her guard down sooner, too. I don't think she would have believed the ten month older version of herself. Plus, she would have missed out on that discovery herself.